It’s Just How Geeks Roll – Portland, Oregon and Seattle, Washington

We at Write on the Road tend to avoid big cities whenever we can – so recently we tackled Portland, Oregon and Seattle, Washington all in the same week – because we also like to make ourselves cry.

We got it raw…

We had to be in Portland for a few days, so we filled our time finding geeky stuff to do. 

…and lots of books.

Who says size matters? The Guinness Book of World Records – Portland is home to the World’s Smallest Park. Mill Ends Park is just 24” in diameter and 452.16 square inches.

Mill Ends Park
This is it. No really. This is it.

Who else says size matters? Me, when a bookstore takes up an entire city block! We visited Powell’s City of Books, America’s largest independent bookstore. It was amazing. It smelled of books, new and old, and coffee. There were a LOT of people shopping while we were there, but it was okay – book people are okay.

A bag of books. Just add wine for instant happy!
Sniff them. Do it. All the cool kids are.
A city block full of books. This is just one section of heaven here.

We also hung out for a few hours at the Clackamas Town Center Mall. Best stores – Hot Topic and Barnes and Noble. Now I own a badass beanie, and my to-be-read-pile is ridiculously large (and now we’re talking about size again). To finish up our shopping, we visited the StarWarsStore store near the mall. The store is small, but the space is filled with so many collectibles that it was nerdgasmic. 

Are you okay, Anni? Anni, are you okay? Are you okay, Anni?
Maximum effort!
Made the Kessel Run in 12 parcsecs…

To end our Portland adventure we found The TARDIS Room Cafe. With hopes of fish fingers and custard, we arrived for lunch – only to be disappointed by a closure for remodel. 

The construction workers have the phone box.

After our few days in Portland, we were ready to get on the road again.

Portland, Oregon, thanks for being nerdy with us!

We headed north, and briefly stopped in Seattle, WA.

How do they thread the space through the needle?

I try to be a supportive spouse. I support Mike in most things, and when I don’t it’s because he has had some stupid idea to…I digress. I support Mike in most things, and it was no different when he decided to take a religious trek to sacred ground – CenturyLink Field, home of the Seattle Seahawks.

“…it’s one thing saying you’ve got the best god, but sayin’ it’s the only real one is a bit of cheek, in my opinion.” – Terry Pratchet

I don’t give any craps about football – but Mike does. He has been a fan of the Seahawks since he was a wee lad, and he was thrilled to stop by Centurylink for a quick look-see. It wasn’t a tour day, so we didn’t really get to see the field open, just through the fence. The store was open there, and although I don’t give any craps about football, I do love me a new hoodie – so guess who’s a Seahawks fan now? Still not me, but I got a new hoodie anyway.

Wave your flags and banners, sports fans!
12 is okay. 42 would have been a better answer.
The view from the cheap seats. Really cheap seats. The free ones outside the locked fence…
Or the 42’s!

Seattle has a ton of things that we wanted to see and do, but we didn’t have time for this trip. Travel through Washington will be a regular thing for us from now on, as family members have moved up there and we will be visiting often.  Looking forward to the Space Needle and the Pop Culture Museum next time through!

After Seattle we kept driving north – eventually all the way to the Canadian border…

UP NEXT – The most northwesternest you can get in the continental US.

 

Complaints from RVers About Other RVers

Complaints from RVers About Other RVers

We are members of quite a few RVing groups on Facebook, and they are a great source of information, and they have a lot of experienced RVers to answer your questions. The groups are 90% useful and 10% grumpy farts. There’s always a handful that have to throw poo like they skipped a step in the evolutionary process…

So, I’m going to talk about the complaints I have seen the most from RVers about other RVers. You can use the information to avoid pissing people off – or to make it a lot worse if you don’t care how bunchy their panties get.

Kids Having Fun
Seriously, this is a complaint that I have seen more than once. What we full-timers need to remember is that this is our life. We get to stay at these parks, travel, and relax or explore whenever and however we like. The weekenders or vacationers are trying to make the best of the limited time they have before they have to go back to work. Have some patience! Take a good listen to a kids’ laughter – it could be contagious!

Gee, Mr. Wilson. Unknot your drawers.

Unleashed Dogs
First, we are dog owners. We have two full-sized dogs that you can learn all about them here. Second, your dogs should ALWAYS be on leash when outside. That is the rule 99% of the time, so follow it. If your dog is amazingly well-behaved then congratulations, and they shouldn’t mind being on a leash because they are so amazingly well-behaved. Also, it makes my dogs jealous that yours are off leash and mine are all dressed up with them. Stop making my dogs jealous. Just follow the rules.

It’s really not that hard to follow the rules…

People Walking Through Your Campsite
Okay, I gotta go with the grumpy farts on this one. If it’s isn’t your campsite, stay out of it.

I feel a little violated just reading the sign.

Generators
“They have their generator on all night long.” “It’s so loud.” “The fumes come in my window.” Okay okay, okay. I get it. You are probably out RVing because you like the outdoors; because nature sounds and smells better than a city every time. But we all travel differently. We don’t own a generator, but have some great portable solar panels. BUT we do not use much power. No TV, no microwave, etc. We’ve gotten annoyed by a generator a time or two, but having a camping neighbor come tell us about his heart monitor that needs charged often (he is on the heart transplant list) reminded us that we don’t know what other people got going on in their lives, so we probably shouldn’t gripe about any of them…well, maybe a few of them. 

You can gripe about these guys.

LINKS on RVing Etiquette (I do not necessarily agree with all of these, or any of them, but thought I would share other opinions too, even though mine is really the only one that matters.

10 Commandments of RV Etiquette  

Campground Etiquette

RV Etiquette

Stonehenge – Maryhill, Washington

While staying at Cottonwood Canyon State Park in Oregon, we decided we were interested in visiting Stonehenge. Wiltshire, England seemed like too far to go, so we went to Maryhill, WA which was only about 30 miles away.

Stonehenge Rocks
Did you know that Stonehenge was made by Chuck Norris stacking blocks as a baby?
Is there a Paperhenge? Scissorhenge?

The Maryhill Stonehenge, built by Sam Hill, was the first monument in the United States to honor the dead of World War I. The center altar stone is lined up with sunrise on the summer solstice. Hill had incorrectly believed that the original Stonehenge had been used as a sacrificial site, therefore constructed the replica as a reminder that humanity is still being sacrificed to the god of war.

“Hello, Stonehenge! Who takes the Pandorica, takes the universe!” – The Doctor
“Stonehenge, where the demons dwell Where the banshees live and they do live well Stonehenge, where a man’s a man And the children dance to the pipes of Pan.” – Spinal Tap
“In memory of the soldiers of Klickitat County who gave their lives in defense of their country. This monument is erected in the hope that others inspired by the example of their valor and their heroism may share in that love of liberty and burn with that fire of patriotism which death can alone quench.”
The memorial is worth the drive over the Columbia River, and most certainly worth the time to appreciate some of those that gave all.

If you are interested in visiting other Stonehenge replicas in the United States you can find a Roadside America map here.

The Painted Hills and Boondocking on the John Day River

Painted Hills and Boondocking on the John Day River

Our world is amazing, but in case you don’t believe me then go ahead and visit the John Day Fossil Beds Painted Hills Unit.

Each layer represents climate change or volcanic action in history.
The colors shift with shadows and cloud coverage.

To see the history of the world laid out before your eyes makes you feel so young and small – even if you are an old fart!

This path give you a close encounter with some very colorful mounds – I think there is a dirty joke in there somewhere, but I will leave it alone.
The dark red is representing a much wetter, almost tropical, climate.

The painted hills and mounds are rich in clay and were formed over 35 million years ago by different volcanic eruptions and changing climate patterns.

The red clay.

While visiting the hills we stayed at a small BLM campground nearby. No charge for up to 14 days stay is the perfect price as far as I’m concerned.

Dusk on the John Day River
Perfect for a slow float.
View near our camping spot.
Views of the John Day River
There is a lot of raft and canoe traffic during the summer.

The dispersed camping is right on the John Day River. The location is perfect for fishing, swimming, or just floating the river. We spent about 20 hours a day swimming with our Rusty and Milo.

Milo is part shark.
Duuun dun duuun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun BOM BOM dun dun dun dun dun dun….
Rusty is more of a guppy.

There is plenty of scenery and wildlife at the dispersed camping area.

John Day duck.
Hawk.
Bald Eagle.
Freedom.
M-O-O-N.
Man-made scenery, but a couple of old guys with their old cars came to visit, too.

Astoria, Oregon

After the awesome (yet CRAPPER), time at Fort Stevens, we took a drive through Astoria to see the sites.

The Wildlife
As we were pulling out of Fort Stevens State Park there was a small group of elk leisurely grazing right next to the road.

This one was pretty gimpy – if you look at his right back leg, it looks swollen.
These elk were just a few feet from us.

The Astoria Column
The Astoria Column was finished in 1926. The Column is a historical monument which tells the story of the discovery and settlement of the Columbia River until the arrival of the railway.

I’m sure the men that constructed this did not intentionally create a phallic symbol….

The monument only costs a few dollars, but it is good for the entire year in case you want to visit again – or gift to someone else that is going. (I don’t know if you are really supposed to do that, so you didn’t hear it here!)

The phallus is a symbol of power and male sexuality. — You know what they say; Big column, little….
The men of the phallus.

The Goonies
The Goonies was filmed on the northern Oregon coast, including locations in Astoria. The old Clatsop County Jail was in the movie, and it is now a Film Museum. We also sought out the house from the movie, but sadly they do not welcome guests anymore.

There will be no truffle shuffle here.
You schmuck! Do you really think I would be stupid enough to kill myself?
Goonies never say die.

The Peter Iredale Shipwreck
The Peter Iredale shipwreck was also in a few movies, including The Road starring Viggo Mortensen. The novel, The Road, was written by Cormac McCarthy and is an awesome read! The story takes place after the apocalypse, telling you about a man and his son trying to survive.

Scene from The Road.
View of the Peter Iredale Shipwreck
The wreck waits for the apocalypse to bring the rest of the world to the same condition.
Wear your life preservers in case of sinking ship.

Astoria is lovely with views of the Astoria Bridge from most of the town. Over 75% of the homes in the city were built prior to 1959. The old homes are large and beautiful, with attention to details. 

Gorgeous homes!
The Astoria Bridge.

Visit the City of Astoria. 

Fort Stevens – Hammond, Oregon

Fort Stevens near Astoria, OR was constructed in 1863-64  to defend the mouth of the Columbia River. On June 21, 1945 Fort Stevens was attacked by a Japaneses submarine – for reasons still questioned, the fort did not return fire.

Structure known as Battery Russell.
In the event of the zombie apocalypse, we at Write on the Road have stated “Claimed.”
I have always wanted a winding staircase.

The fort is now an Oregon State Park that includes camping, hiking, biking and the ability to explore Fort Stevens remains and buildings.

Big Boom Maker – even better than a boomstick, baby.
Jeep outside the Fort Stevens Interpretive Center
Large gun pointing toward the mouth of the Columbia River – and they say size doesn’t matter
Display inside the Interpretive Center.
Historical artifacts and information on display. Also –  this guy know what you did last summer.
Ancient bowling ball used by a giant-thumbed man in prehistoric times (he was also really good at hitchhiking). Also – that is made up – it’s a cannon ball.

The majority of the buildings and structures in Fort Stevens are still intact. You are able to enter most of the structures, though some only on scheduled tours. There are plenty of volunteers around for the guided tours, history lessons, and information. We did not take a guided tour while we were there because once we arrived, we knew what we needed to do right away….

 

As always, our trusty sidekicks were up for anything!

And that was the of the start of Completely “Real” Analysis of Paranormal & Psychic Entities Research, or CRAPPER. CRAPPER is a team of two travelers seeking made up stories and fictitious hauntings, using imaginative falsehoods to fib to you about hauntings, possessions and all other kinds of paranormal malarkey.

Inspiration for CRAPPER
Mike – Co-founder of CRAPPER
MeLisa – Co-founder of CRAPPER

Our CRAPPER investigation started at the structure named Battery Russell, which is a gun battery that sits away from the rest of Fort Stevens. This building stands alone, which means that ghosts and spirits that are more introverted will haunt these types of areas.

Knowing how the ghosts are likely to be introverted, I avoided taking pictures of them as much as possible.
This pit on the upper floor of the Battery Russell was obviously used by the military for getting pumped up for battle by playing “THIS IS SPARTA!”
These holes were meant for something very militaryish, but are now used as glory holes for spirits with a sense of perverted humor.
Hooks in closets for storage of hoses, chain hoists, and shell tongs. Paranormal entities may now use them for storing their own chains, and shrouds during hot weather.
Lantern Niche originally used for…lanterns. There are also blind niches found throughout the battery, which is convenient for the spirits with optical impairments.

Concluding our investigation at Battery Russell, CRAPPER moved on to the main areas of the fort. The ghosts and spirits that reside in the main area should be more extroverted, which means we may find some interactions.

This large iron hoop was used for hoists and pulleys, but is now used to control gargantuan hell hounds.
The structures at Fort Stevens have multiple staircases, which means that the ghosts can float or climb the stairs depending on their personal preferences.
First interaction here! We are the Parkers – the haunting spirits here are obviously trying to make contact!
The remnants of an angel bursting into flames on the wall leads me to believe that there was a great battle between good and evil here – and evil won. Does it still remain?
Indisputable evidence that it does.

We continued on with our investigation, exploring as many nooks and crannies that we could. There were rooms in complete darkness, old weapons in storage behind locked gates, and even more evidence of attempts to make contact with CRAPPER.  

A few sections of the buildings were off limits due to not being structurally sound. It is unknown if this was caused by natural elements or by battles between the light and the dark.
The tracks along the ceiling were used to move the large ammunition throughout the battery. While walking underneath them I heard an eerie voice crying “An upside-down roller-coaster! Look Ma! No hands!”
A locked portion of the fort that leads to underground bunkers. I am unsure what may remain behind the gates.
Behind these locked gates is sporting equipment that more adventure seeking ghosts have obviously stolen. – They lost everything when they died, don’t you think that includes athletic equipment?
Here is an example of a blind niche (mentioned earlier) that is used by the visually impaired spirits.
Another message received from the spiritual realm. We tried to assist with GPS coordinates, but seemed to only cause frustration.
The spirit showed CRAPPER their frustration by possessing this harmless bird. After possession, the bird swooped toward us with fury and anger on it’s little bird face. Eventually it flew down a dark corridor to find it’s master.
A lantern niche with iron gates to keep the spirits from blowing out the lanterns and then yelling “BOO” in the darkness.
This looks similar to the “THIS IS SPARTA!” hole from earlier, however this one has tiny bleachers for audiences of gnomes or fairies to watch the Spartan pep rally’s.
The shell room originally used for storage. Sadly, there are no remains of the sea shells that were stored here. We believe they were moved out of the fort to be used in a Grandma’s ocean themed garden.
The final contact. Upon leaving the shell room, we discovered that the spirits changed the name – we assumed it was another attempt at contact with CRAPPER. Upon this discovery we rapidly re-considered our decision to CRAPPER, and left before we shit ourselves.

DISCLAIMER – All CRAPPER “facts” are crap.

Fort Stevens State Park and Historical Site

 

 

Oregon’s Central Coast

Oregon’s Central Coast

I have managed to wrestle the computer away from the dogs so that I could get back to work on my own blogging, but I imagine that they will take over again! Once they learn a new trick...

Beverly Beach State Park is about five miles north of the city of Newport along the central Oregon coast. I would love to tell you wonderful things about the park, but we barely left our trailer because they have mosquitoes the size of tanks.

Actual Size.

The one thing we did notice at Beverly Beach is some really cool trees they have there. These high-rooted trees grow this way because of high water in the soil.

The trees make the park feel like a magical realm where gnomes and fairies could be hiding.
Sir Didymus awaits your arrival to help guide you through the bog of eternal stench.
And none may pass without my permission!
A wraith guarding the tree nymphs
A gnome home.

Tillamook Cheese

If you are traveling the Oregon Coast, Tillamook Cheese Factory is a required stop. I have an unnatural love for cheese – and free cheese really tickles my pickle. 

Slug Bug

Once inside, at first glance, I thought I was going to get to pet some cows – but, sadly, they are just plastic, which explains why it doesn’t smell like cow crap inside the cheese factory.

Not a real cow.

There are a bunch of displays explaining how the milking process works, along with information on how they make (and age) their cheese.

A farm milking station – or maybe something from the farmers pleasure room. I try to not judge what tickles someone else’s pickle.

This huge line is for free cheese.

Because Free Cheese.

 

A Dog Blog by Rusty!

Oh! Hi!

My name is Rusty.

I’m pretty handsome, but I try not to brag.
Hey! Who put this picture here? I look ridiculous.

I took over my mom’s computer today and I’m going to write a blog like she does! Milo is here collaborating with me, but he doesn’t know how to type.

He doesn’t even LOOK like he could type. Yep. That’s my idgit little brother.

We just want all you other travelers out there that if you don’t already have a dog in your RV – you need to go get one! We LOVE to travel!

We have a sweet set up in the back of this truck!

We get to smell everything.

I smelled the thing first, but Milo likes to jump in front like a punk kid.
Milo says “I smelled the thing first, but Rusty always likes to act like he’s the boss and run ahead.” BUT Milo is an idgit and I don’t listen to him. – Rusty.

We get to pee on everything

Look at how majestic I am!

It is so much fun and you would have so much fun too if you added a dog to your family!

This is the best! We love hitting the road for new smells and pee places!!

All you have to do is go visit a Dog Jail and find a new family member. Don’t worry!!! Dog Jail doesn’t actually keep bad dogs – they’re all good dogs just waiting for people to love! You can also check out all the good dogs at www.petfinder.com!

Thanks for reading and make sure to share pictures of your dogs with us – and we’ll make sure to wag our tails at you when we see you on the road!

I can type. I just wanted him to do all the work! – Milo.
Also – I can’t wait to sniff your dogs’ butt! – Milo
I’m just leaving this here to embarrass Rusty. – Milo.

 

 

 

 

 

Redwoods and Trees of Mystery

Majestic.

Awe inspiring.  

Magnificent.

Grand.

Splendid.

BIG.

Just some descriptive words that come to mind in the California Redwoods.

That’s some big wood…
…that’s what she said.

We just visited the northern parts of the Redwoods, near Jedediah Smith National and State Parks. We spent a few days exploring the forests, rivers, and parks.

Howland Hill Road. An excellent motor tour through the giant trees.
How many trees can you plant in an empty forest? One. After that, it’s not empty anymore.
It takes a long time to say anything in Old Redwoodish -and we never say anything unless it is worth taking a long time to say.

Our favorite part of the visit was Trees of Mystery. Trees of Mystery allows you to bring your four-legged friends in with you! So, Rusty and Milo got to go play tourists with us and even got to ride a gondola up the SkyTrail.  Trees of Mystery is gorgeous and worth the ticket price!

Paul Bunyan and Babe are at the entrance to welcome you to Trees of Mystery.
Rusty and Milo were VERY excited about Trees of Mystery!
This guy makes me think about how I feel after too much to eat and not enough nap.

 

The Elephant Tree
Nature’s Underpass
Nom. Nom. Nom.

 

What are we doing next? We already peed on every tree here!

 

SkyTrail Gondola

 

Um. Someone is taking the ground away. We should get out. – Milo.
Rusty enjoyed the view!

 

Sand Non-Camp – California Highway 199

We don’t like to pay for our campsites, and do so as little as possible. The idea of paying an average of $40 a night to have neighbors that are too close just seems silly to us. So we use an Android app called ParkAdvisor and the website https://freecampsites.net to find hidden little gems.

Hoban (the truck) and Serenity (trailer) hiding in the forest.

Our most recent hideaway was just north of the Redwoods on Hwy 199 in California. I found it on the freecampsites.net website.

Sand Camp…?

The spot was right on the river with a vault toilet and no other campers. There were quite a few visitors during the day for potty breaks, and a few local kids that slung gravel at our truck, but it was quiet and calm most of the time there.

Those darn punk kids!

We also had a fox as a late night visitor. 

This beauty came by for a visit too.
The only water in the forest is the river.

We stayed at Sand Camp for three nights while we explored the Redwoods during the day.

I would recommend this hideaway to anyone – except on the fourth day a Park Ranger came by and told us we couldn’t camp there. Meh. Who am I to argue after three free nights? So we packed up and headed north a few days early to start our tour of the entire Oregon Coast.

…and the scenery on the way out of our non-camp.